i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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