hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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