Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
