4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
