I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
