dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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