Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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