i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
There's always time for handjobs
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We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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