if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
