i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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