fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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