i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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