Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
