By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
