i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
