I wish I could punch you in the face.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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