Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
