Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
