tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
