Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
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a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
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judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
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