am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
She's the barista slut.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
