Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
