I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
