I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
