Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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