were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Randomize
