I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
