No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
