I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Is Oprah even human
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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