Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
