so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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