Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Randomize
