well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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