Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
