I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize
