I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
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