He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
