im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
