The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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