dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
