I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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