i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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