Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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