it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
