So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
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I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
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1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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