how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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