A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
