Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
