Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
