even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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