When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
