Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
