Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
