My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
