then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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