How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.