so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
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Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate