Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.