i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!