So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
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I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts