So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
