Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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