She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
