I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
