Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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