considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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