I'm lost and stupid without you.
I'm going to jail i love you
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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