I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
