dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
