P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
