If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
