hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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