He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
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