dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
