I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
They took my balls.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
