Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
