Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
