her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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