I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Someone signed my nipple.
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