Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
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