Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
