i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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