So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Randomize
