I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
