My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
