I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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