I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
